T-Minus 2 weeks to whatever.............

These last few weeks have found me in a place where I feel hamstrung. I have marginal people working in positions where I have no options (at least ones I would exercise in different circumstances)to make drastic changes. Assholes that know they have me over a barrel. With 2 weeks to go before we disembark to Missouri, I have to hold my nose and grab the reins tighter and try to get this horse into the barn healthy and in one piece. Being the boss sucks sometimes.


Lately, the weight of what my immediate future holds has hit me square between the eyes and in my heart. Being here, in Wisconsin, having done this for the last 5 years, my mind has tricked me into thinking that it was just "business as usual". I'll finish up, pack my stuff and go home. Home has taken on a whole new meaning though. I hurts to know that I am going home to an empty house. That all my life as it has been for over 20 years has been obliterated. I think the reality of just how different and less rich my life will be, how much I will miss Jacquelyn is starting to sink in. Man I really screwed the pooch on this one. Honestly, my hearts desire is for her to be happy. I haven't been able to do that for quite some time now. I hope I will find some happiness for myself. Although I look around and I see my single friends, some who have been single all their lives, some like me, single after years of being part of something bigger. I don't see a whole lot of happiness. I'm scared.